When I close my eyes at times, I am reminded of times and days that are long gone. Some of the best memories that time revealed as lies and deceptions. Empty memories that are attached to a deafening “nothingness”. A barrage of fake smiles, fake kisses, empty hugs and promises. They are all still there.
The residue of their impacting effects are still there. The bright colors, the shimmering glows, the way the moonlight reflects off of our skin.
The haunting songs that were sung to me, the times actual praises where my name and Gods name were all in the very same sentence. The humbling of it all that I.... in all of my flaws, strengths, and weaknesses, but a solid attitude and fortitude to doing the right thing the best I can to everyone that I encounter to the best of my abilities.... that I was chosen to mean so much... to a select few.
I can see myself where there were times where my parameters and capacity to love was tested in almost every way possible... of that cost of love that no one knows the price of better than me... for in being kind and loving.... was the cost and price I paid for what I now consider to be... nightmares. Imagine that when the stuff your dreams where once made of are now nightmares that make you want to vomit... at the mere thought of how vast the deceptions were.
If hindsight were foresight, I’d rush back into the past to protect the younger version of me.. not only from the living demons that I have encountered... but to protect me from me... to protect myself from my innocence that lead me to believe them... when they said “I love you.”
The best part of all of these nightmares are the lessons revealed. Yes indeed a tree shall be known by its fruit. To know that some actually prey upon you giving them the benefit of the doubt... for they know they may not ever get that trust past your defenses ever again... so now so many are foul at the first opportunity of trust. Valuable lessons for these demons actually do reveal themselves... eventually and that too becomes useful for now I know.
Yet even better than that... is to open my eyes and to know.... that while our minds or body sometimes can’t tell a dream apart from reality.... what’s even better is to open my eyes to know that those demons are all gone... just echoes of what once was.. proof of what will never be. No more of an illusion now, then they were while these demons were present doing the deceptions that they do.
It’s refreshing to still be loving after a few have done everything in their power to do their best to destroy my ability to love and trust. Well, the Creator in me made me a bit more stronger than that. In fact it’s been an incredible journey of simply loving the next one even more.... trusting the next one even more. The application of love until your heart finds its match... for everything in between? Was just practice.
Love is indeed a lifesaver. I have been that deserted dried flower that just needed a little bit of sunlight... a little bit of fertile ground to grow on... a little bit of genuine love that has allowed me to blossom and grow... into the man that I am... that you see here posting and sharing everyday. I know what it feels like to have your heart emotionally ripped out.... and almost feel like you’re dying inside.... the amazing part? With time it grows back... and beats even harder than before as it responds to love even better. For the demons gave me a valuable lesson of what love isn’t .......which makes it much easier to spot real and true love today.
The ability to see the love that I see in each and every one of you... even those that are like me and have even been through worse.... you can’t hide that from me..... nope try again.... I can still see that underneath all of that fluff and stuff.... you’re still a loving beautiful spirit on the inside. I thank you for the love you have shown me.. as a friend, as a lover, and even a wife to be. The love I see in you ..... is so, so refreshing.
So In these dark moments of deep emotional traumatizing scars, one learns to eventually live with.... the ones I break through everyday just to smile... knowing smiles are contagious... knowing that I still have a lot of love in me to give... that I hope what’s in me shines bright enough to light up the whole world while I am here.
It’s often said that a lifetime isn’t but a blink of an eye in relation to the Creator of all things.... I imagine that my spirit passing through this world.. is about like a shooting star streaking briefly across the night sky. Think of me whenever you see that. For that’s how precious and rare each and every one of us are to those that love us. We are only here for a while.
Be that of which makes you smile.. to someone else. Give someone else the love, that you wish you had. You can be that to someone else who is looking for someone to love them... exactly the way that you can. It’s honorable... it’s legendary, it’s the best spiritual legacy that we as immortal spiritual beings can leave behind to mortal humans. Hopefully it will serve as a guide.. to their elevated state of being.
For those that don’t know love, when someone shows you? Pay attention for you might only get to see that just once from them. You might not see again at all, for far many aren’t loving. Be... the better love.
May you awaken each day.. with love.
I love you all,
Namasté
LMB
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